2020 breakdowns? it’s all coming up to clear
Sara Vatore
2020 BREAKDOWNS? It’s All Coming Up to Clear
Sourcing Your Own Light: A Practice for Releasing Energy That Does Not Belong to Us
Healing is Possible. Change is Possible. It Begins Within.
Time is a curious creature for me these days, as it stacks and expands in a futuristic orientation where all of a sudden it is December and we continue to find ourselves at this threshold “moment” of a year in our existence as humans. A time when we can no longer close our eyes to what we have seen within our structures, the pieces that are broken and need rebuilding. As these structures and systems reveal themselves to be falling apart, it creates a window of newness and potential and possibility to rebuild it all in a way that can be the paradigm shift we need as we emerge into a new future and a New Earth. This is no small task.
As we are still in the breakdowns, and not quite in the results of this massive shift yet, we find ourselves playing in the in-between space of the unknown. So much continues to end as we close out the year and the new beginnings coming may be in sight for some of us, or just around the corner for others. These spaces of “not quite there yet” can lead to confusion, fear and worry (because of our conditioning) OR become potent spaces of deep magick, hope, potential and possibility.
Where do you choose to orient?
For those of us who are energetically and astrologically tuned in, we are very aware that we find ourselves at a SIGNIFICANT point in our evolution with the continuing transition into The Age of Aquarius and The Grand Conjunction occurring on Winter Solstice this year. Whew! Powerful. Check out ANY astrologer these days for detailed planetary and energetic updates. It is fascinating what is happening in the stars. Some of my favorites that I follow are Chani Nicholas, Kaypacha of New Paradigm Astrology, Louise Edington of the Cosmic Owl and Astrologist and Psychologist Michael Lennox.
What I will say about the energy is this: because of all of what is unfolding above us in the stars, and around us in our physical world, SO much is coming up and being reflected within ourselves and our bodies.
Have you noticed? Old behavior, embodiment and thought patterns rearing their heads as we have been moving more into the darkness of winter?
As much dysfunction has emerged in the collective, you might also be noticing that this year unearthed within YOU what needs to be reexamined, let go of, cleared out, reworked, released and recalibrated for your wellbeing, so you can BIRTH a new experience for your self.
This is important. This is how we change, heal and evolve as a species, by unwinding, melting and clearing out old patterning and wiring in our systems/bodies that is not generative for us. As we heal our selves and our patterning, we are healing for our children, for our ancestors and for our future.
I have definitely found myself exploring some patterning that is coming up to clear. There is a part of my survival self, the people pleasing, fawning part of me, that needs everyone else to be okay and stable around me. For years that part has had a really hard time tolerating when my husband is not okay. There is a scrambling in my system that would happen when it senses he is irritated, to start to problem solve how to help fix whatever might be agitating him. And because he is a fiery Italian Aries (!) I was noticing that my internal sorting and scrambling was a subtle everyday (multiple times a day!) occurrence.
When I could find the solution to “his issue” (like uncovering a missing pair of socks) my system could settle and I could feel okay and move on. When I couldn’t “help”/fix it immediately, (like when he brings home a work concern) I would find myself holding onto severe discomfort in my own system/body with his unsettledness. A sorting/scrambling energy would then emerge for me that would try to get him to feel differently (better) and then feel annoyed/defeated/distressed when he would hold onto his agitation and not “see how to fix it my way.”
It was like I couldn’t feel okay if he wasn’t okay.
This is a childhood survival pattern for sure. As a little kid, I needed the nervous systems of the grown ups around me to be regulated, so I could co-regulate with them and feel safe. I did this by trying to be as perfect as I could, so those around me would see how good I was and be happy. Also, because we are wired as mammals to belong, I got really good at sensing how other people were feeling and merging my system with their energy to then try to fit in with them. That left me feeling very uncomfortable, anxious and unhappy a lot as a kid and pretty confused. This was unconscious, automatic and became a part of the fabrics of how I operated with others, merging into other people’s feelings and energies and taking them on as if they were my own.
While I have dramatically shifted these nervous system fawning and fitting in (people pleasing) patterns significantly, this year and being home has provided an ideal playground for me to be working on more subtly differentiating my energy from my husband (and my two kiddos), so that I may amplify my own coherence, instead of scrambling inside my system to try to figure out how to sooth him/them (which, by the way, was EXHAUSTING me).
I need to be able to hold my own energy, sense of self and essence (without collapsing) no matter what shape the person in front of me is in, whether it is my fiery husband, our 7 year old little spirited one or the large man in the supermarket who is trying to push past me!
By staying in my own energy and amplifying that out (sourcing my own light), it has the best chance of supporting those people around me, without trying to manipulate others to have a different experience to make me comfortable AND it allows me to have my own experience that is not dependent on the moods of another.
One of my favorite tools to separate out and find my own energy during these quarantine days and something that I have been working with for over the last year and a half comes from the Infinity Healing School practices (https://www.infinitypractice.com/).
It stems from the principle that we can’t heal what is not ours to heal and that as Infinite Energy Beings of light we have a lot more agency and power to conduct the energy around us and allow or decline energy from coming directly into our body/system. It is taking back control of our own sovereignty and helping our systems to no longer go outside of ourselves to manage energy.
There is a specific activation that I want to share with you as a practice. This has been life changing for me and I work with it on a daily basis.
Invitation to Practice: Releasing What is Not Ours
When you notice that you are feeling into someone else’s experience or you think something is getting triggered that is old or a pattern that may not belong to you, pause and say:
“I command my Body and Being to release anything that is not mine and gift it to the light of consciousness. Activate change and generate healing immediately.”
Then take a breath in and release out and down your body.
After you work with the activation once or play with it multiple times and feel cleared, say:
“I command the activation of my own divinity, my own essence, so that I may sense into more of my being.”
Repeat as necessary.
I often will do this in the shower as a cleansing practice. When I first started working with this activation, I would repeat it up to 30 times in a row daily. The energetic change in how I would feel after I played with it for a while, was huge. This is one of the ways my nervous system started to make some significant shifts on a cellular level to feel into the whole of ME and not the other energy bodies around me!
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As uncomfortable as this time has been for us as things emerge to be looked at and cleared, it is a necessary examination, so we can make the shifts that we need to in order to be more connected to our own self, what we want and desire, and be able to find clarity and agency as we step forward. This is a good thing. Awareness is the first step to making the changes we want in our lives.
I get excited as I think about what is happening right now on the planet and the raising of consciousness and awakening that is unfolding, because there is TREMENDOUS energetic support right now to assist in this clearing out and releasing of old patterns at the cellular level, making significant changes to our DNA. I cannot stress enough how potent the energy for healing is at this time! I am seeing this transformation with my client shifts and within my own system and my husband. It is just incredible to witness and experience!
I know it can be overwhelming to get past the point of feeling overloaded from the bigness of the year. If it is all feeling super hard right now, you may need more support. We are not wired as pack mammals to be doing this thing called life alone, especially the strangeness of this pandemic. Sometimes the regulated nervous system of a friend, partner or practitioner is the support needed to start to tap into more internal resources and find bigger shifts in your system.
Please reach out if you are called to learn more about one-on-one somatic work.
As we continue to step into this new age together please know: Healing is possible. Change is possible. It begins within. It is time to remember and reconnect back to our original blueprint of wholeness and system wide regulation and source our own light!
Sending love,
Sara