messages from the slop at the bottom of my freezer

When my husband called me into the kitchen, at this point the fridge had been sitting without power for 9 days at the end of July. 

“Uh, Sara….what is this?”

I could smell it before I saw it. The rotting slop at the bottom of the freezer. 

You see, I had tasked myself with cleaning out our refrigerator when it died while we waited on our new one to arrive.

I was clearing it out little bits at a time, as to not overload our outside trash can (and my nose!).

Guess I forgot the rest of the freezer stuff....

(Side note: Do you know how challenging it is to quickly purchase a fridge during COVID times? Well, I will spare you the details.)

But now, finally, the guys were there to take the old fridge away, install the new one and here, at the bottom of the freezer drawer, was rotting, moldy sh…..tuff.

Oooops.

As if the whole experience (fridge no longer functioning after we had just purchased a week’s worth of food) wasn’t a large enough implication from the universe.

The slop needed to provide the extra punch, so to speak.

I went back into my room and the fridge whispered:

“What are you feeding yourself dear one?

Look at this remaining slop. 

Is that nourishing your soul? 

I think not. 

Honor your vessel with what you are feeding your self on every level.

Take back your sovereignty.”

This message has been coming through for months and months. All over my journal I have statements about nourishing my system, my body, my Being. Clearing things out. Letting stuff go. Differentiating energy from my own. Clarity will come when I am clear. Drink water. Nourish your self Etc. Etc.

...

I sat down later that afternoon to pull a card from one of my decks, Dragonfae Oracle by Lucy Cavendish, looking to connect with a higher guidance and receive some support. 

What do I most need to know right now I asked her?

The card immediately flew out of the neck and gracefully tapped me on my third eye. 

Lovers At The Feast: Conscious, Aware Eating. 

No joke. There is actually a card in the deck that says “Conscious, Aware Eating.” I pull this card ad nauseam. It was one of the first cards I pulled out of the deck when I started using it and it comes up just enough to rub that shadow aspect right in my face (or rather, it comes up often enough that I understand that it is eloquently working to get my attention).

As I read the description for the umpteenth time, something started to slot in a different way. I teared up. I got chills down my spine as I took in the words:

“You are being sent a very strong message by the Dragonfae, the goddess and indeed all that is to take your healing into your own hands…. Food has magickal qualities and is an amazing healer...The stronger your physical body, the more spirit will be able to reach you, as you will be a clear and perfect vessel…We feel at this time your food may not be supporting you and that you are not choosing the energy with which you create your life wisely.”

Then the divination messages echoed in my bones and brought me into another place:

“Understanding that food is energy and that this energy becomes our body, extending out into our energetic field and influencing what we attract into our life. In many ways, this card indicates that we must not only eat with joy and relish; we must understand the healing power that food brings to the body. Food is medicine. Food can heal.”

WOAH.

Mind Blown. Insert explosion head emoji here.

While I have heard these things and understood these things (and even teach about energy and somatics and nervous system regulation), food for me has tended to be a place where I can fall into some unconsciousness patterns.

However, there was something in those words for me about how food energy becomes our own energy that really landed THIS time. 

Right….

I do this healing body thing on so many different levels. It is time to take it to the next layer deeper with how I am actually nourishing my insides. 

I have a long history of food “stuff,” rooted in my parents’ food stuff (both Jewish and Lituatian Ancestry). Something dramatic has shifted in the last 6 years moving through chronic illness diagnoses where I have developed a much healthier relationship with my body and food and have understood what I need to be eating to stay healthy and inflammation free.

However it is one thing to know intellectually and another thing to embody that knowing. Especially when there are unconscious patterns rising to the surface.

I made a choice that afternoon, to really put the focus and attention needed to get this stuckness, this pattern to shift. If I want to feel differently in my body, my orientation needs to refocus. 

I set the intention to work with the curious question, “How can I bring more consciousness into this moment?” across the board (as I was also working on some others things!), but taking a special focus specifically on food/nourishment (think: water, my food prep, meal planning, cooking, food choices, before deciding to cook something, cooking, before eating, while eating, while standing at the fridge, while heading for the freezer, standing in front of the pantry, etc)

(Side note: This practice of curious questions comes from my work with the Infinity Healing school! Curious questions are amazing energy shifters)

A really lovely thing began to unfold and continues to be unfolding. I started to really SLOW down and listen to my body, (because the fridge told me to) and I have been making some new discoveries that are really interesting.

I don’t really want meat anymore or much of anything processed.

I am having a physical reaction now when I am cooking with meat or eating it. We have not gone completely vegetarian in my house by any means, but we have significantly cut down on how much we are consuming it.

I can’t believe how much better I feel. How much lighter my system feels. How easier my digestion process has been.

Since this orientation and truly slowing down and listening to my system before and I after I consume food, I am starting to really learn what is working for my body and what is not working for my body. 

Not because some diet told me, or an expert. All of those people have their wisdom AND can offer a helpful perspective. At the same time, they are not in my body. Only I am in my body. Only I can determine how I feel before, during and after I consume something. Sometimes foods can be healthy AND challenging to digest for my system or overall don’t make me feel great. I can’t know that unless I am listening to what is being communicated to me from my body.

My relationship with food is an evolution, as my body ages and needs different things. It is going to shift and change with the seasons, my cycles and my nourishment needs. I will not know what it needs, unless I am able to understand what my system is communicating. 

.

So, I ask you darlings: What are you feeding your self? Is it nourishing your soul?

In all aspects:

The foods you eat

The places and spaces you go

The communications you are having

The people you connect with

The thoughts that continue to spiral

The social media/news/entertainment you are consuming

The drama/polarity/judgement that surrounds you or is within you

The behaviors/patterns that are on repeat in your system

What is possible when you bring more consciousness into this moment?

Awareness is the first step to making any changes. 

It is time to step through the gateway. We need all of us in our fullest expressions. Clear and ready. 

What do you choose today?