Before I had done any of my own nervous system work, when my now 18 year old was little I used to tell him all the time not to be mad.
He would be upset about something that happened and I would look at him and say,
“Don’t be mad. Why are you mad? There’s no need to be mad.”
Looking back at my parenting at that time (before I had built any self awareness) makes me cringe.
Ugh 🥴
How many times do we invalidate another person’s feelings because we don’t understand, get it, or think they “should be” feeling a certain way?
Our particular patterns, behaviors, access to emotion, and experiences shape how we interact with and respond to the people in our lives.
How comfortable we are in the face of different emotional expressions dictate our behavior and reactions if left unchecked.
Without awareness, these habituated ways of being and reacting take over and get in the way of healthy communication and connection building.
I have a very complicated relationship with the emotions of frustration/anger/rage and it has taken years for me to be able to access them within myself and to be okay when some version of that emotion is being expressed from another person.
This has greatly impacted my parenting over the years with my boys.
At the beginning of this journey I couldn’t understand why anyone would ever be angry because I didn’t know how to feel that way myself AND my body was scared when anyone around me expressed this emotion.
And now I understand the importance of healthy anger expression. It is required for us as humans and essential for our kids to be able to feel without judgment from caregivers.
I have learned how to feel more comfortable in my body when someone around me expresses in this way. I am no longer as reactive in my own system in the face of this emotion.
More recently, over the last 10 years, in building greater awareness of my patterns and learning how to be more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, I am a better parent, partner, friend and practitioner.
Do you find yourself trying to micromanage your environment to avoid your partner or your children’s moods? Do you shut down or get reactive in the face of particular emotions or experiences.
If you are looking for 1-1 support, instead of a group, I invite you to reach out. I have 1 spot open to step into a 3 or 6 month Somatic Coaching container with me. This space is for shifting patterns and behavior so that you may step confidently into your unique expression in the world. Increase awareness of your body and energy to connect to what you want, how you want to live and how you want to feel.
